That's A Lotta Bull...

What has the Evil Transporter Device brought us now?

Welcome to the farm Clarence!

I think my cow problems just got bigger....

I will have you know, I am still King of this hill!

Riding Hazards

This year's weird weather has posed many new hazards in my exercise routine.

The hay fields are swampy and full of water hazards.

Which attracts noisy white clouds which settle on the ground

And larger more fearsome creatures that hwonk and hiss and fuss at me

The alien space ships have returned the cow pasture

Which even has the cows alarmed...

And when cows gather in a group

especially spotted cows

nothing good can come of it.

Masked Bandits

So there I was minding my own business.  Out for a summer stroll.

Wait!  What's that in my paddock?

Bandits!

Run for your lives!

Flee!

One last look from a safe distance.

Summer Buggies

I've been having trouble with buggies. And not the kind you think.

These things chase horses.  I've seen it happen.  Any horse that gets strapped to one of these things ought to receive hazard pay.  If I were strapped to one I can tell you I would do my work in a BIG hurry. What's more, it means that there are some of those men with the scary hats lurking around.  

I wonder where they could be hiding?

No, Seriously... let's get out of here!

Make Hay When the Sun Shines

The heat wave has broken, and today was the most beautiful summer day ever. Crystal blue skies, cool breezes, sunshine ... The best sort of day to be a horse.

The best news is the hay fields are being cut for chopped haylage, and there is finally firm earth baking in the sun and drying in the breeze. Perfect for a gallop. We have not been able to enjoy the fields at all yet because of the record rains. No sooner had Brita mounted up than one of those awful big trucks went rumbling by on the road. We beat feet for the first cut field which had been put up yesterday, and we had just cleared the roadside when the second truck appeared on the horizon. I took a good look at that, and Brita had visions of the last time we were in this predicament but I was more interested in stretching my legs and minding my manners.

We got a good trot around the field when the rest of the haylage procession showed up. One big green chopper, two tractors with hopper bins, then two more big trucks! We headed for the road so we wouldn't be trapped as they seemed to need our field to turn around in. There was a lot of commotion, and engines revving, and chopping and dumping on top of the cool breezes and sunshine. I trotted up and down the road in perfect form pretending I was in the show ring at the County Fair with all the farm equipment and activity. I kept my head, and my I looked fine.

After doing our fields and road work, we headed to the riding arena for a quick canter and I'll have you know I did nothing naughty. I took each lead with perfection and cantered politely. I have learned my lessons well. I barely broke a sweat, and I'll bet Brita even made it back to her office on time. I was faced with a whole army of monsters, and I behaved like a nobleman. Yes, today is a perfect day.

Wild Meringue

If you are a road horse, you encounter many strange objects while on your daily travels.

There are rocks which house trolls....

And trucks which can swallow a horse whole...

Farm Machinery...

Deadly Lurking Cow Monsters...

I’ve been accosted by dogs, free range chickens and silent but deadly alien bicycles. I’ve been surprised by the shadows of raptors flitting under my nose, and marched bravely past disembodied snowmen. The recent rains have turned into rushing torrents which make a thrilling noise and beg to be splashed in.






But I ask you, what in the name of all that is Holy…






...is THIS?



An escaped bubble bath? Swamp Ditch Monster eggs? The mother load of non-dairy topping? Have the free ranging chickens whipped up a Meringue?

Did the Man in the Moon drop his shaving cream?


It wonders me....

The Blue Stairs to Nowhere

The other day I heard Brita in the barn, and I came running in to greet her. And there was the strangest object in the arena!



First I ran back and forth to get a good look at it from every angle. It was very peculiar, but it didn't move. Brita seemed unconcerned, and stood in the corner watching me. I was a bit unnerved. Things shouldn't just appear in the arena. Especially large, bright blue things.



Finally, I got up enough nerve to get close to it.



I smelled it. It smelled sort of... well... blue.



Then I felt it. It's rough in places, and if you run your chin back and forth over it, it feels funny.



Then I tasted it. And it didn't taste at all.



I tried to bite it. It's not chewable.



I pushed it, and it didn't run.



Then I thought about stomping it, and my next thought was... what would Brita think of that? She wasn't saying. She was being no help at all.




It seems to have a handle, but I can't get my teeth in it...



I give up. What does it do?

Ice Age Terrors

EeeeYiiiikes! The Ice Age has returned, and on it's southern most edge is an exodus of dinosaurs trying to escape the climate change! They lumber along the road browsing on trees and other forage. There are little green men riding on their heads helping them to eat the trees. They chew up large limbs and poop them right out almost immediately with a horrible rumble and a blast of gas.

I could hear something terrible outside my window this morning, but the extreme cold had frosted everything up and I couldn't make it out. Then Mom turned me out in the pasture to face this unknown terror all by myself! I certainly couldn't go out there alone. Finally she walked out with me as reinforcements. I was very alarmed! I snorted as loud as I could as a warning to all little woodland creatures. The dinosaurs were not driven to extinction by the last Ice Age. They have adapted and become more horrible than you can possibly imagine!

What should I do?!?

Snow Blind

Besides keeping up with this year's New Year's Resolution, I have to continue to work on last year's. Last spring I went on a diet and lost #100. To keep it off, we have to do a little gym work two or three days a week. The problem with working in the dim, dusty, cloudy light of my work out room, is that when I trot past the open door, I'm blinded by the brightness. I don't like to get too close to that wall. There are monsters out that door.

There it is! In the pure whiteness of the snow... a black devil cow!

Brita insists I use the whole room, and get closer to the wall, and then I see it... a second devil cow! Oh no! The further over I get, the more trouble I see.

And you know what two devil cows are... the beginning of a HERD.

But besides the blinding snow issue, I rather enjoy winter. I spend a lot of time just standing around in the warm sunshine, peacefully nibbling my hay, dreaming of spring grass.

Get out and Vote!

...so we can put away these spooky signs. They make unexpected moves in the wind, and creep me out.

Schooling Haute Ecole

It seems we just can't get any serious work done, these days, without being interrupted by monsters. No sooner had we gotten saddled up than a troop of tree killers arrived right outside the arena with a Bob Cat and chainsaws. I found it difficult to concentrate, but was well behaved until the Lime Green Ax Murderer sprang from the bushes.

See... there he is right there. Lurking just like Big Foot.

We stopped to watch them for a few minutes, then Brita decided our schooling session was done because she no longer had control of my neck. As we exited the arena and down the slope towards the barn, I made use of my nice warm up session, and began schooling myself in the Croupade.

It's a very difficult piece of Aires Above the Ground, and earned me a trip around the yard and up and down the driveway to collect my thoughts before we headed back to the barn. Admit it, if you knew a Lime Green Ax Murderer was lurking in the underbrush behind you, you would have been jumpy too.

P.S. Brita stayed in the general vicinity of the saddle. But she called me a naughty word.

Whoops

Whoops, I dropped my passenger. I feel terrible about it. It isn't something I normally do. You see, we had another alien visitation. I could hear them all morning in the fields, and I was too nervous to be out in my pasture. When Brita came to ride, she found me hiding in the arena where I can run in and out. She could tell I was very disturbed, but told me she would go show me what was happening, and then I would see it was alright.






I could see what looked to be a cousin of the Loch Ness Monster away in the fields. There were those big red trucks coming and going. It all looked OK, and I was walking calmly through the field when it happened. One of those big trucks pulled up nearby, downshifted with a roar, and belched black smoke. This startled my into a series of unfortunate events.



First this happened....








... and Brita landed behind the saddle on my butt, which scared me worse, and I thought the monster had grabbed my flank. So I bucked a bit.... sending her into orbit....

And when she came down, she wasn't in the right place again....

So I bucked a few more times.... ( I was just trying to help, I swear)

And deposited her with unfortunate velocity into the dirt.

Then I ran home as fast as I could to find Mom.

To say Mom was alarmed to see me arrive home alone was an understatement.


But Brita wasn't too far behind. She hollered after me to let everyone know to call off the search, and then she got right back on and made me go back to the field. I certainly didn't want a repeat of that. I found out what the monster was, and it didn't look like it had time to eat a horse.

I brought her home safe and sound in the end, but boy did I feel bad. She hosed me off with cold water and I didn't even squirm. I was afraid to behave badly after my performance in the field. I couldn't even look her in the eye, and was afraid to ask for my peppermint. She gave me one anyway for standing so well for my shower.

I feel very sheepish about the whole thing. Mom says I've been too quiet all afternoon and that obviously I feel bad. I wonder how Brita feels?

illustrations from Thelwell Horse Box: Norman Thelwell

Strange Sights

Have you ever seen an object looming on the horizon and you just had no idea what the heck it was?

And the closer you get to it, the scarier and more confusing it looks? Well, horses have a lot of those moments. This thing looked, for all the world, like an alien ready to swallow me. Mom says it was a country sky scraper.

It makes much more sense from this angle, but this angle frightened me most. All that thing needed to do was make a noise, and I would have beat feet for home! It was all very tense. How on earth can your humans act calm and unconcerned in the face of a weird occurrence like this? They acted as if nothing was wrong, and actually scolded me for puffing up and threatening to run. And Brita grabbed my neck and yelled "BOO!" which wasn't funny at all.

These photos were obviously not taken on my first encounter with this creature. I think all you would have seen were photos of the sky, and the ground and my mane. And they would have all been blurry. After I got used to it being there, Brita went back to the barn for her phone. She hadn't planned on doing any photo journalism today, but this was too important a News item to overlook. This creature, whatever it is, and it's companions, have laid waste to one of our fields. They've tracked it up horrible, and stolen all the oats. We went through the field, and I looked for evidence despite the obvious risk of encountering bobby traps.

After all this excitement, we headed into the cow pasture and onto the wooded trails. And, we revisited the Grand Canyon, and it's much much larger tributaries. Luckily Mom and Uncle Dad went with us on foot to show me the way. I'm very concerned about quick sand, and if I see Mom walk across a suspect area, I know it's safe. I don't encounter any quick sand or canyons or fallen trees in my little pasture, so all this stuff is very strange to me.

We found a couple of these wild rivers with slippery rocks and actual WATER in them. I was very brave. Moments after this picture, I figured out a solution to the slippery rocks. I jumped from this very spot, landing well above the rocks and on the other bank. Mom said it was a perfect and impressive leap. Brita called me William the Conqueror and said I was bravest I've ever been. So, that was our day. See what can happen when you leave your camera at home and think you'll just take a nice little stroll on a quiet summer morning? Stuff happens!

Under Attack

There is something trying to get into the barn and eat me. I don't think that closing the doors and windows will help because it's trying to come right through the wall. It's creeping me out. And it's elusive. I sent Brita out to try to get a good look at it, and like most unidentifiable monsters, it refuses to be photographed. I think it may be related to Big Foot .