Monday, February 1, 2010

Open up and say AHHHHHHHGGGGHHHHH !

So there I was, enjoying my lunch hay bag and a freshly cleaned stall, when this strange pickup truck backed up to the barn door. Hmm, says I, it isn't time for the farrier yet. And that truck doesn't have hay or sawdust in it. I wonder who... OH NO! It's ....drum roll please.... the Tooth Lady!


The Tooth Lady is a very nice lady. She has a much better bedside manner than some of the other people who come in and poke me with stuff. But, she has a LOT of strange, scary equipment. True to form, she began hauling in buckets and bags and things with cords. The things with cords worry me the most.


It appeared for awhile, that the subject of this invasion might not be me after all. But finally she peered into my stall and I knew the gig was up. I was trapped like a rat. Dr. Best is what Mom and Brita refer to as "the Good Vet" which means she listens when they talk, and makes good suggestions for modern health care. However, to me, the suggestions usually boil down to "shall we stick him with one needle or two" and "how much horse juice do we need for our evil experiments?"
Dr. Best (I think they call her that because she's the Best Horse Vet) has a nice website and can do some really fancy and surprising things with her tools. One of those things is tickle my teeth. She also comes from a land far far away, so we don't get to see her all that often, and her visits are a momentous occasion.

She came and said "hello" to me, which is the polite thing to do, and I gave her the hairy eyeball and did some snorting. She put a tape around me and declared I am bigger than last time. She felt my ribs and poked me a little. She and Brita discussed my menu and things like vitamins. Then she juiced me. I hate that part. She took juice out, and put juice in. Then I started to feel all woozy, and the world started to recede a little. Before I knew it, I was all strapped up and my chin was propped up on a chin-stand.

Then the power tools came out. Now at seven years of age, I've seen a lot of tools with power cords. There is the one that makes the bucket of water smoke and hiss like a volcano, there's the one that buzzes and tries to bite my ears, the one that sucks cold air through my coat. And then there's the scariest one of all, the one that makes my head vibrate. Guess which one Dr. Tooth Lady has.

This thing is awful. It tickles my teeth and makes a thunderous noise in there. And here I am, completely incapacitated and unable to defend myself with my butt wedged, unceremoniously in a corner. I was a good patient though. When she turned the tooth shaker off the first time I let out a looong loooooow Snooooorrrrrttttt. And that's all I have to say about that.

Pretty soon it was over, including the nasty little file which I also hate, and the gear came off and Brita tied me to the wall. Actually she's been doing that quite a lot lately. I can't believe she expects me to stand around and do nothing. I used to just back up and leave, and if stuff needed to get broken, then I'd do that too. But she bought some magic ring that just keeps letting rope out until I get tired of backing up, and somehow, I'm still tied. (Editors Note: It's a blocker tie ring, very handy little gadget). Foolishly, she left it hanging on the arena wall and it mysteriously disappeared. Brita says only Ace and I are the possible suspects, but we're not telling what happened to it. Little did we know, she had more than one.

So, she tied me to the wall, and ruined my entire afternoon of munching. I really wanted some hay so I could check that my teeth still work, but they said I couldn't have any until the horse juice wore off. I guess Doctor's and Dentists are a necessary evil. They say an apple a day keeps the Doctor away. If Brita would feed me those instead of carrots, we might not have to go through these little ordeals.

3 comments:

Pony Girl said...

This was a great post! I love how William calls it the juice! :) My Boy had his teeth done for the first time in 3 years (and since I've had him) last year. It was a nightmare getting the needle in him, but once we got him drugged, doing his teeth was easy. I have never seen my horse like that and it was kind of stressful, he could barely walk. :(
His teeth were not that bad, so the good news is, I probably will only have to do it every other year. Thank goodness, because it was not a fun experience.

My name is Roxie said...

I, Roxie, HAETE the Veternary Man. Seriosly, i haete him so much! He is horruble an terruble. :( An i haete needles too.

Bif said...

Oh, this makes me think I should write more about Uncle Jeff, my dentist... I love him! And the juice you talk about: it's called sedation and it's great, too!! I've had lots and lots and lots of it. YUMMM!!

Mother says the Wi-Fi isn't working, but I think she's just being lazy. I may have to call the Geek Squad to help me with my internet connection, or my website will never get updated...